Meeting a New Baby: How to Show Up (for the baby and the mother)
- Krizia Tascone-Mihalj
- Oct 25
- 10 min read
This past week my beautiful BFF welcomed her second baby into the world — and while I am absolutely dying to meet her and give her Mumma the biggest cuddles (and tell her how freaking AMAZING she is) - I’m taking a breath and waiting for the OK, because I remember exactly what those first few weeks feel like.
When Leonardo and Massimo arrived, a couple of eye-opening visits in those first few weeks made boundaries non-negotiable. I quickly realised that the ones who truly cared didn’t come for a quick newborn fix—they came to show love to us both. They made space for a brand-new mother, lifted the load instead of adding to it, and brought support instead of becoming a spectator expecting to be entertained.
So consider this a love letter to the newborn bubble — a gentle, honest guide for friends and family who want to show up right. It’s not a rulebook; it’s the lived-in, messy, tender truth from our home to yours. If you’re itching to meet that tiny human (same), here’s how to make your visit feel like a deep exhale instead of another thing to recover from.
The Day We Brought Leonardo Home
I spent seven days in hospital with my first born.
✅ Low-birth-weight ✅ Three weeks Prem ✅ Feeding tube ✅ Jaundice ✅ Infected episiotomy wound ✅ Pelvic floor trauma. We had all (Baby, Mumma and Dad) been through the absolute ringer in that first week of ‘family-hood’, so the news that I was finally going to be discharged and given the all-clear to go home was the second best news of the week (first being a safe birth and healthy baby).
My bed was calling me. I just wanted to shower in my own home get into comfies and get into a routine without a nurse or doctor breaking my peace with obs every hour! My own space and comfort of home was so close!
We were signing off some paperwork and getting our bits together in the room when “Ding! Ding!” - a text message came through. A well meaning and thoughtful text promising a cooked dinner and no worries for our first night home.
This promise quickly turned into that visit. The one that lives rent-free in my nervous system.
“We’ll bring dinner so you don’t have to lift a finger” turned into an extended-family meal. I was told, with a laugh, to hand over my newborn (that apparently I’d been holding for too long) so I could fry the cutlets. Picture this; A fresh episiotomy (recently infected), pelvic floor trauma, pain meds, dinner-plate nipples from exclusive pumping—and me, at the stove, hosting family like it was Christmas dinner. Mid-way through the meal I excused myself to pump and feed and afterwards, I cleaned up while everyone passed around my baby like a hot potato.
My ‘pump, wake, change, feed, cuddle, sleep’ cycle that I had clung to like a security blanket, was tossed aside at the first opportunity. I became invisible.
The Sisterhood of Support (my earth angels)
After that first experience I learned pretty quickly how to set boundaries (for the most part - as a recovering people pleaser I still struggle with this to this day), and what followed was a string of wonderful visits - my beautiful Mumma, Nonna and my BFF’s. These ‘Earth Angels’ kept me sane with calming conversations, minimal expectations and a whole lot of love and validation that I was doing a good job.
The perfect visits were small. My BFF’s slid onto the couch like it was theirs, put the kettle on without asking, and asked the questions that matter: How’s your body? How’s your mind? What does today need? They topped up my water, tucked a throw over my legs, and left twenty minutes later with the dishwasher stacked. I didn’t even have to walk them out. I would exhale deeply, hug my baby and relax back into the lounge - my permanent spot for those first few weeks of recovery.
The contrast taught me everything: helpful people erase tasks. Unhelpful people erase the mother.
If you’re reading this because you want to be the first kind—come closer. Here’s how to hold a newborn family so they feel lighter when you leave.
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